By Chuck McHaze, Chief Meteorologist & Senior Weather Correspondent, Mind Haze Weather Center
Well, folks, it’s me again. Chuck McHaze. You know me. Thirty-one years behind the green screen, and I’ll tell you what… I have never been more excited to present a weekend forecast than I am right now, this very moment, standing here in my khakis.
Let’s go to the map.
FRIDAY EVENING — “THE HAZE ROLLS IN”
We are looking at a beautiful haze advisory taking effect Friday evening, approximately around the time you get home, kick off your New Balance sneakers, and crack open your first Mind Haze IPA.
Conditions: Hazy and golden. Visibility is going to drop — not because of any atmospheric disturbance, my friends, but because everything just kind of gets a little softer and nicer around the edges after one of these. You know what I mean. My wife Karen does not always appreciate when I say things like that, but meteorologically speaking, it is accurate.
Bring a light jacket. Actually, you won’t need it. But bring one anyway. Old habit.
SATURDAY — “PEAK HAZE CONDITIONS”
Saturday is shaping up to be, and I want to be careful with my language here, an absolutely perfect beer drinking day.
We’re talking sustained haze throughout the afternoon hours, with a high probability of backyard activity, grilling of various meats, and what the National Weather Service officially classifies as “a real good time.”
Dew point is comfortable. Winds out of the southwest at a gentle 6 miles per hour — just enough to keep things cool, not enough to knock over your folding chair. I have knocked over many folding chairs in my career, folks. You do not want that. Not in front of the neighbors.
Pro tip from Chuck: Pair your Mind Haze IPA with direct sunlight and a lawn chair positioned at a 37-degree angle toward the sun for maximum enjoyment. I calculated this myself. My son-in-law thinks I’m being ridiculous but he also thought I was ridiculous when I said it was going to rain at his outdoor wedding. Anyway.
SUNDAY — “THE HAZE HOLDS”
Sunday continues our streak of exceptional hazy conditions, with a slight chance of afternoon napping. That’s not a weather thing, that’s just Chuck’s personal forecast for himself.
I’m seeing a ridge of high pressure keeping everything stable through the holiday, which in layman’s terms means: no excuses to go inside. None. I’ve checked. The radar is clean. Karen has confirmed she also would like to stay outside.
Great day to locate your nearest Mind Haze retailer — we’ll have the full beer finder link below, and yes, I did bookmark it on my phone and yes it took me forty-five minutes to figure out how to do that — and stock up for the final push into Monday.
MONDAY (MEMORIAL DAY) — “SUSTAINED HAZE THROUGH CLOSE OF HOLIDAY”
Here it is, people. The main event. Your Memorial Day forecast from Chuck McHaze.
Conditions: Hazy, warm, and frankly outstanding.
I have been doing this job since 1993 and I want you to know, hand to heart, that this is one of the finest holiday weekend forecasts I have ever had the privilege of delivering. My colleague Dave from the morning show called it “fine” and I think he could stand to show a little more enthusiasm but that is a personnel matter and not for this blog post.
Stock the cooler. Grab the Mind Haze. Find a body of water, a patch of grass, or a concrete patio — all valid, all acceptable. The haze does not discriminate.
The holiday closes out with a gradual clearing Monday evening, which is just the atmosphere’s way of telling you to get your things together and think about maybe eating a vegetable before Tuesday.
FIND YOUR MIND HAZE THIS WEEKEND
Don’t get caught without it, folks. Use the beer finder to track down Mind Haze at a retailer near you. I personally used it twice this week in preparation for this very blog post. It works great. Very easy to use, even for someone like me who still prints out MapQuest directions as a backup.
THIS WEEKEND’S SPECIAL SAVINGS OUTLOOK
Before I send you off into this magnificent hazy weekend, a few deals from the Mind Haze Savings Desk — that’s not a real desk, it’s more of a region of our website, but I think it sounds good:
CHUCK’S FINAL FORECAST THOUGHT
Every year I stand up here and I say “folks, this is going to be a good one.” And every year, it is. But this year — I mean it a little more. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the Mind Haze. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been doing this long enough to know a good weekend when I see one coming.
It’s coming, folks.
Stay hazy out there. Drink responsibly. Call your mother.
— Chuck McHaze Chief Meteorologist, Mind Haze Weather Center 31 Years of Service | 4-Time Regional Weatherperson of the Year (2004, 2009, 2014, and the one in 2019 that was technically a tie but I choose not to dwell on it)
The Mind Haze Weather Center forecast is provided for entertainment and thirst-quenching purposes. Please drink responsibly. Dewey Hopman is a fictional character created by Mind Haze. But the beer is very real.